I jumped...and lost (this time)

On Monday I was at my fitness studio, moving through the stations, and feeling strong for the first time since returning to a regular workout schedule. About 30 minutes into the session, and one moment of distraction later, I was on the floor, experiencing excruciating pain in my ankle. The victim of having misjudged a jump over a 20 inch high piece of tape, I have taken myself out of my game for at least a week. Swollen and bruised (on ankle and elbow), and just a little bit embarrassed, I have also gathered more evidence that I am a klutz.

Three weeks ago I finally tired of the game I’d been playing (called “avoiding the gym”) and made a commitment to myself that I would work out 5 times a week for the months of July and August. The first two weeks were killers. Every day I came home with aches and pains in muscles I hadn’t used in ages. I needed a nap after work just so I could get through my evening. I started packing more food with me to eat during the day. I had to remember to wash my workout clothes every night. There were a lot of very good reasons and excuses why working out 5 days a week wasn’t worth it and the voice in my head sang those excuses loud and strong those 2 weeks. However, I persevered because I made a promise, a commitment to myself. I knew the body pain would eventually disappear, my energy levels would recover (and in fact, improve) and that the additional fitness would not only help my weight loss efforts, I would also start to see some muscle definition.

So having an accident at the beginning of Week 3 in my 8 week game is interesting. It has me thinking about the power of our subconscious mind, and how much we LOVE being comfortable. I can’t help but wonder if this was an attempt (a poorly disguised one, I might add) for me to sabotage my efforts to reaching my fitness goals. After all, I have no idea what my body will look like when I reach those goals. I am also less than 20 pounds away from my goal weight. I’m beginning to get some definition in my legs and arms (even I can see that in the mirror). And my partner is making more and more comments about how fit and sexy I am looking, and how proud he is of my efforts.

So if everything is going according to my plan (and reaching my goals are within sight), why would I want to sabotage it all? What is it that would rather have me stay stuck in my old patterns and habits, and live life as usual? Well, life is certainly easier and more comfortable in a pattern. In fact, there is very little effort required in routine. I just need to roll out of bed each day and the programming kicks in. I don’t even need to really be awake to shower, make coffee, get dressed and arrive at my desk. In fact, I know there are days when I swear I was sleep walking the entire time.

No, I think why we sabotage ourselves is because of fear. It’s kind of scary to think about actually HAVING the ability to take on all those things I say I would love to do, but can’t because I’m not strong enough or too heavy. I might actually have to DO something instead of just look wistfully on, as a bystander. I also admit I get anxious when I think about being able to wear those smaller (and sexier) clothes, that again, I only now dream about wearing.  And yes, I am going to have to deal with the noise in my head about a new body shape. It is definitely easier to stay the same and be comfortable. And always, the question is – do I want easy or do I want to have a great life?

So that’s my choice. I can give in and give up, and let fear rule. Or, in the now infamous words of Nike, I could feel the fear and “just do it.”

I’m choosing the latter. No longer am I willing to hand over my power in this area.  My body gets a few days of rest to heal, and then I will be back at the studio. Facing the prospect of more sore muscles. But also living the possibility of having a strong, lean body that is going to take me through the rest of my life.

Creating Energy

This morning I spent about 2 hours creating energy. I did this by taking on and completely a whole schwack of unfinished tasks that were causing chaos and clutter in my life. Laundry got folded and put away, papers got tidied (and recycled as necessary), voicemails and emails got returned, newspapers (and those incessent flyers) got blue-binned, and all those books I have scattered around my home got shelved.

By investing the time into completing unfinished tasks, I get energized. Sounds kind of funny, doesn't it? Usually people tell me how exhausted they get just thinking about tackling all those unfinished bits of work. The truth of the matter is, it's those unfinished tasks that drain us of our energy.

I have an exercise that I learned a few years ago that helps me reduce the amount of energy suckers in my life. I make up a list of "things to complete" as the first step. Then I tackle the list. As someone who gets a secret thrill from crossing things off lists (kind of my own way of giving me a gold star), I always add a couple of items that might only take a couple of minutes to complete. Sometimes I even write down a couple of things I just completed! Check, check, check! Yup, it feels good! 

The list is usually longer that I have time to finish, but I get enough accomplished (and checked off) that I am inspired to start a new list that I can tackle in the coming weeks.  (No, the irony of an incomplete list isn't lost on me, and I admit to struggling with how long to make my list, but that is another story for another day...) If you struggle with lack of energy and time to take on something important in your life you should give the list a try. You might at first be dismayed at how long your list is but I promise you'll be amazed at the amount of energy you have when it'd done to spend on fun stuff.

Eating little and often

Over the past few months, I’ve been working on changing my lifetime eating habit of 3 square meals a day to eating 5-6 small meals. There’s a lot of good scientific reasoning behind my change. Eating little and often keeps your blood sugar levels stable, it’s easier for your body to process smaller amounts of food, smaller amounts going into the system means more food goes into being used as energy and less gets stored as fat, and really, it just makes good sense. If you want your car to run, you’ve got to have fuel in the tank at all times, right? Your body is no different, except that perhaps your gas tank is smaller and it needs refuelling more often.

But, trying to break a habit that is 40+ years old is difficult. I still want to serve myself large portions, and then eat everything on my plate. I still view dinner as my main meal of the day (and therefore my biggest). I noticed recently as well that I still want to skimp on breakfast (and save the calories for dinner). And honestly, eating 6 meals a day takes some serious planning time, not to mention having to deal with my co-workers teasing about the amount of dishes I wash every day at the office.

However, I am beginning to notice some good things from eating little and often. I no longer have to deal with blood sugar crashes and the accompanying tired and cranky demon that I become (for which my family is grateful!). I have more variety of tastes in my diet (I’m not one to repeat the same meal twice in one day if I can avoid it). I’m also spending more time looking at recipes and doing actual meal planning, which, surprise, surprise, is actually a lot of fun and more importantly, a big stress relief. Knowing what I am going to cook each day, and having the recipe and ingredients on hand just makes my life easier, and it wasn’t something that I did when I was eating in my old pattern.

Lately I’ve become aware of something else. I really like to eat every couple of hours, starting at about 7 am and finishing by 6. I used to stress about getting through to my next meal (how long until I can eat again??) And if I eat well during the day, the evening is no longer occupied with thoughts of food. My body has been well fuelled throughout the active part of my day, and so the after-dinner hours get spent doing something more productive than searching the cupboards for that little something I think I want.

Interrupting old habits and patterns takes awareness and a commitment. It’s not always easy to stick to the small portion sizes, or even to remember that it is time to eat. But, I know in the end, my body is happier when I eat this way, and when my body is happy, life is good!